The Punny Farm: December 2011

Once, I had a roommate. We'll call her Ashley, because that is her name. We lived in a tiny apartment with our dog and cat. We had absolutely no money, but we still REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted a Christmas Tree.

Ashley is very fashionable. You can tell because I drew her with boots AND a dress. Tres chic.

But it turns out artificial trees are stinkin' expensive, and I'm deathly allergic to pine sap. Ashley's parents had an old artificial tree that had been hanging out in their attic for several years, and they offered it to us. We were so excited! We loaded it up in the back of my car and drove it home, fa-la-la-la-la-ing all the way. When we got it home, though, and opened the box, we realized we had a problem. Let's see if you can spot it:

See it?

What about now?

As soon as we saw the nests, we did what any adult would do in that situation... We ran and hid behind the kitchen counter.

That smell? It's fear. And maybe urine.

After hyperventilating behind the counter for several minutes, I got brave enough to poke the box with a stick to see if it moved.

I don't feel this picture does my cat's always-vacant-expression justice really.

Nothing happened. We briefly considered throwing it out. But the lure of a free Christmas tree was just too strong. Especially one that came with these awesome lights:

Pictured: Fire hazard.

So, in a thirty minute montage set to Eye of the Tiger, we ran around the house putting on anything that could remotely qualify as a bee-keeping outfit.

Armed with potholders and pillows, we were ready to kick some wasp thorax.

We took turns grabbing the vacuum hose, running up to the box, sucking up a nest or two and then running away screaming like little girls. We counted about 20 of them, and it took us over two hours, but in the end we got them all...except one or two...those branches we threw outside in the yard, where they remained until we moved out. Their fate is currently unknown.